i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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