if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
