so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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