so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
