Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
