The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
