I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
