On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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