We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
