It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize