apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
