He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
These tits shall not be calmed
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
