Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
