You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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