Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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