Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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