I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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