I just pynch a tree in the face
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
