There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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