she looked like the before picture.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I checked into jail on foursquare
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
