it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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