this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
