i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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