so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize