Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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