yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
