I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
They are going to name an STD after you.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
