can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
where are my eyebrows?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
