I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We need to get me chipped asap
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
