It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
