She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
