Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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