we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Sober January is a disaster.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
