she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
there is puke in my bra ... again
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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