Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
