Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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