Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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