We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
