remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
