i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
