I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Sober January is a disaster.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
