Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
