saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
