i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
