Are we in a gay sports bar?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
