At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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