Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
