i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
