I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
