oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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