Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
