dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
