nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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