How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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