Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
