You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
