I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
