No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
