Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
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I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
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I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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