Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
