That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
