OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
