Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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