But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
