ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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