I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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