umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I am spending my child support on dildos
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
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He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
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