Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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