my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
