If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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