Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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