it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
